A Threesome, A Coward and a 5,000th

No fiction today I'm afraid. I've had a near terminal case of "man flu" this week. Whilst my nose has been running, the creative juices have not. Thanks for all the offers to proofread my next Novella too. Need to get that emailed out this weekend. So rather than a Fiction Friday I present a Fight Friday!

Fiction Friday will be back as normal next week.

A Threesome

First one I was whilst I was out roaming. I was heading back to Nisuwa through Oinasiken where I found three war targets and nobody else in system. I scanned the plex in system and found a Condor, a Slasher and a Rifter. I assumed the Condor and the Slasher were kitey which would be an issue for my rocket Kestrel, so I went for the Rifter. Obviously assuming he'd be autocannon. I entered his plex and engaged.

After months of "Caldari Farmville" it never occurred to me that these guys in local would be anything other than solo. I realised my mistake when the Slasher entered the plex as the Rifter dropped into armour and started actively repping. I really should have looked before if these guys were same corporation which they were. I suddenly find myself the centre of attention in a threesome!

The Slasher engages but I am breaking the Rifter. I overload my rocket launchers and lock up the newcomer. My shields are dropping fast which is going to work to my advantage.... For I was in an armour Kestrel! I imagine that the other two thinking I'm about to go down, but as I enter armour the effective DPS drops off. The Rifter is double webbed so out of his optimal and the Slasher is firing EMP against my 400mm plate. The overheat on the rockets have done the trick and the Rifter is breaking nicely whilst the Slasher is moving off. I keep the DPS on the Rifter and head towards the Slasher. Rifter goes down but Slasher has got out of point and web range. Just....

I overheat the AB, scram and webs. After a few cycles of hot AB, I just manage to get some webs on him to slow him down, but the overheated AB burns out the adjacent overheated web on the next cycle. Thankfully the Slasher is within 10km now and doesn't have a web so I can catch up even with only one web. A second later and I'm in range now and my Rage rockets are hitting again. I stop the overheats but I am down to a single web and scram now. He is dual sensor damp relying on those top provide his tank. Without any real tank at close-range he goes Pop! My Kestrel was well into armour and had one web burnt out with most of the other mods at 70-90% damage. What a great little fight!

We give "gf" in local and a few minutes later they are back together in the same set-up. I know they aren't going to make the same mistake and my surprise armour Kestrel is no longer a surprise! So I warp out of the plex as one announces in local "LEEEEEROY JENKINS!" and they warp in. A couple of nice players who enjoy a good fight in combat equipped ships. A rarity in my TZ for Cal Mil. I explained in local one threesome is my limit for the evening and jump out.

A Coward

Then a while later I find a Daredevil in Hirri. I'm only in a Kestrel (different fit) but thought I'd give it a try. I land on the plex acceleration gate and do a short scan. Gone! I do a max-scan. Nothing. Mmmmmmm... I warp off and rescan. He's in the same plex.

CLOAKY MOTHERF............

I try a couple of times but always the same. He cloaks as soon as he gets me on a near scan, and decloaks as soon as I warp off. Time for "The Traitor"!

I prefer a straight fight as before, a good honest head-to-head. Cloaks and stabs REALLY annoy me and I'll do what ever I can to ruin your day if you are rollin' around like that. I have a low-skill alt in the Amarr militia for times like this. Being in the Amarr he does not take a militia standings hit for attacking Caldari Militia. Also he shows up as a "purple" in local the same as other Caldari Militia and the 'allied' Amarr militia. Most of these farmers don't have their overview set up to see militia type so automatically assume that as it is in the Caldari/Gallente war-zone he is Caldari militia. A often fatal mistake.

My alt gets to the acceleration gate and the Daredevil cloaks up again. Situation normal. My alt enters the plex and it is empty. I sit there a while and as I hoped, the Daredevil uncloaks to show "This plex is taken, move along". He sits there nearly 30km off the warp-in not moving. I activate the afterburner on my alt's 'Breacher of Doom' and start over towards him. He stays still, not moving. He's assuming I'm friendly. I'm not.

After what feels like a half hour I near 10km and lock him up and before he can react I'm 8k and he's webbed and dual scrammed. As I was locking him, I also warped Drackarn to the Plex. The Breacher is purely fit for tackling cloaked and stabbed farmers. He has no DPS, just lots of tackle and tank.

The Daredevil just sits there... I get Drackarn into the plex and open up. The Daredevil dies in short order. Good ridance I say! So how was this elite member of the Caldari Militia fit?

Daredevil [Pussy Fit]

2 x 150m "Musket" Railguns (Yes, COSMOS railguns!)
1 x Prototype Cloaking Device

T2 Shield Booster
Meta Small Shield Extender
T2 MWD

3 x Meta Warp Core Stabalisers
1 x Meta Overdrive Injector

2 x Small Processor Overclocking Rigs

Somewhere, out in Fountain, there is a team of Guardian Angel Starship Engineers, quietly sobbing.

A 5,000th

Finally there was a very special kill for me...

I was sat in a plex in my Arty Party Tristan (yes, an artillary Tristan! Live with it!) when I got an Imperial Navy Slicer on short scan. Now Navy Slicers are tricky, brawlers die to them, and my 6km optimal is not going to help when being kited at 20km. But, he is warping into me, if I can get him, I win, if he burns out I'm dead.

I launch Warrior II's knowing they are not going to be too helpful if he does get out of range and I overheat my scram and web and turn on the AB. He enters and I try to approach him, lock him, overheat the AB and activate the scram and web all at the same time. I need two more arms. I manage to do everything and he gets out to 8km before I start to gain ground. In the words of Darth Vader, Dark Lord of the Sith - "I have you now!".

I get a 6km orbit going and as a kiter he stands no chance. Why was this special? I've killed Slicers before with T1 frigates. This kill was special as it was my 5,000th kill in Eve (according to eve-kill)!

I convo'd the guy and asked him to pick a number between 1 and 44. He chose 14. I counted along 14 items in my "Faction Loot" can and I offered him a Dark Blood armour plate.

5,000 down, and here's to the next 5,000!

A Look at Rubicon 1.1 on the Test Server

So we have Rubicon 1.1 on the test server. So far we have V3 stations, The Nestor Battleship, Mobile Scan Inhibitor, mobile MJD structure, new Crucifier model and some "little things".

Station V3

Uuuuurm yeah. I.... well.... something is different in Nisuwa and personally not sure about it.

 

Apparently Matari stations are more different, lets have a quick run to that wretched hive of scum and villiany, Tama.

Mmmm.... Nope, still not sure about this change. May be it'll grow on me?


The Nestor

So we have the new SoE BS. Looks like it takes on a RR Domi's role with bonus to drones and remote armour reps. Huge drone bay at 500m3!

Now I know I'm in the minority here, but I'm not a great fan of the SoE ship designs now I've had chance to see them in space. Too "Star Warsy". Too "Generic Sci-Fi Spaceship Number 4" for me personally. 1970's retro-in-the-future. Does it have HAL 9000 and Barberella on board? Eve Online ships have always been different.

Lets just throw something together quickly and see some stats. Look, I haven't EFT-warriored this, I literally threw on a few mods what I had in my hanger! I am sure a fitting expert can squeeze plenty more out of this hull!

DPS - 907 (220 guns with medium pulse, 688 Drones with Garde II's)
120k EHP (Resists of 75/67/67/79)
Meta Remote Repper fixes 576hp every 5 secs over 16km.

A fleet of these could be interesting!


Mobile Scan Inhibitor
I'm not sure about these yet especially in Faction War. You can stick one at the warp-in inside the plex and you can sit there hidden. You can scan out, but anyone scanning in just see's "Mobile Scan Inhibitor"*. 

You cannot un-anchor it, there is no visible timer. It just behaves like a beacon once it has onlined (60 seconds from 'Launch for self' from your cargo). Its likely to be 7-10m ISK a pop so expensive as it is a one use thing.

You can 'Show info' and it will tell you how long it has left. Pain in the arse to kill too. Cockbag at optimal needs a reload of Phased Plasma to do the job. No reinforced mode, it pops after 23 Cockbag volleys :/

I like the design of the structure but as a sci-fi geek this image doesn't scream "Scanner Jammer!" I would have thought it would be covering in dishes and aerials etc.

Now the interesting thing about these is they don't appear on your overview by default. Therefore anyone directional scanning with "use active overview settings" will see nothing. To them the plex will be clear. I wonder how many are going to DIAF before they sort their overview settings?


Mobile MJD Unit

Does what it says on the tin. Pushes you 100km in direction you are facing. Knocks your sig radius 150% for the 12 sec activation time. It states there is a 20 second activation delay? Appears only one person can use it at a time and there is a 20 sec delay between use! I tried two toons one activating it, and the other waiting a few seconds then trying. The second toon got the message that is was already active. So if it only allows one person to use it at a time... what use is it? I'm struggling to see why I would use one of these.

There was no model for the structure when I tested it last night.


Crucifier

So we have a new Crucifier model.

Bit chunky for a e-warfare ship! Doesn't look like what it is. It looks like a heavily armoured brawler.


Insurance through right-click

YES! About time!

Capital wrecks

A fun one to test even if the forum post says "Some stations and capital wrecks might be wrong". Buy an Archon, park it some where scenic (Plasma planets alway good choice) and come back in a Moros! Right she's going down.....

..... so a work still in progress then :) Teach me for being too keen!

Set autopilot without having to search for the system.

YES! Now you can just search in the AP section of the main UI without going through all that PITA as before!

So there you have a selection of things that will probably make it into Rubicon 1.1. More to come I assume.

Eve is in a Coma.... - BB52

.... in regard to player numbers. Which way will it end?

Welcome to the continuing monthly EVE Blog Banters and our 52nd edition! For more details about what the blog banters are visit the Blog Banter page.

* * * * *
Go to the always useful EVE-Offline.net (http://eve-offline.net/?server=tranquility) and take a look at the All Time (weekly average) graph for concurrent accounts logged in.

For the past four and a half years, the graph has hovered around that 30,000 mark; it is, for all intents and purposes, a plateau. But everything must come to an end sooner or later and that is what this blog banter is about.

What's on the other side of that plateau?

Is there any path for CCP to follow to raise those numbers upwards for a sustained period, or is EVE going to enter a decline to lower logged in numbers from this point? How soon will we see an end to this plateau? Months? Years? Or will you argue that 'never' is a possibility? Or you can look at the root causes of the plateau and tackle the question if it could have been avoided or shortened if CCP had taken different actions in the past.


EVE IS DYING!

How many times have we heard that on the forums? The graph shows Eve is not dying.... but then again it is not going anywhere either. It's been in a bit of a 'play number coma' for a while.

However, I'm not sure we can call Eve as being static for all of those four and a half years as was highlighted in this blog banter introduction. Its more like two and a half years of being static. I would say Eve was still growing for the first part of that "Plateau". January 2009 to June 2011 still looks like there was a generally upward trend. A lot less than previous years, but still going up. The typically expected "expansion-peak" for Incursion was the highest ever. It was still going up slowly... then we get to June 2011. Suddenly...... Incarna! You can see the dip that forced the change of direction at CCP. I was speaking to a Dev at a previous Fanfest. He said it was that the dip that almost killed CCP. I don't know how accurate that was, he no longer works for CCP, but he assured me post-Incarna was almost the end of Eve! Scary thoughts!

Since Incarna the day of the "Jesus feature" expansion has gone. Whilst we got a lot of good stuff with CCP actually taking time-out and fixing the damn game, we've not had a true "expansion". Odyssey is perhaps the best example. Yawn! Compare that to Apocrypha and that is one of the main reasons I believe for the static plateau. There is nothing to attract new players. Nothing for the gaming press to get excited about. Nothing to generate publicity and coverage that we need to attract new players. Fixing the game has retained existing players and encouraged rage-quitters to come back. But it is hardly attracting new blood is it? We are also losing players. The lack of 'interesting and engaging' expansions mean that people are getting bored more easily. I mean how can we hope to grow the player-base with:-

Coming Soon (TM).... The New Expansion from CCP... Eve Online: We Fixed Some Stuffz!

Coming Winter 2011... and Spring 2012 and Winter 2012 and Spring 2013 and Winter 2013 and.....

Great for us vets with balancing and fixes, crap at attracting new players or staving off boredom in others. This development cycle was needed. Eve is a better a game now than it was at Incarna. But how much more needs fixing? Forget balancing, that is routine maintenance and should be done anyway, balancing isn't 'expansion' material.

I also feel DUST514 hasn't helped. Too many resources have been taken off Eve and put onto DUST (imo), more-so since the launch. I mean, seriously! The most distressing example of this was the lack of the musical troop - Perma-Band and "HTFU" at Fanfest 2013 because half of them were in China working on DUST.

So what comes after the plateau? To be honest I'm not sure. It all depends on how expansions are going from now on. I felt the main feature of the last "expansion" was its name. The rest of the 'content', well, can we really call it an expansion? The "headline feature", the one that was top of the list of what Rubicon contained.... was ship balancing. Sorry, that is not a feature, that is basic maintenance! I play Defiance, they just had a big weapons balancing pass. They didn't call it an expansion! It wasn't even really a patch! How can we get the media interested and get publicity with that as the 'top' feature.

So does Rubicon mean we'll be returning to headline features or are we in for more of the same? There are three ways we could be going... Imagine.....

a) More of the Same
The plateau continues. There is nothing to attract fresh blood into the game, nothing major to persuade old players to come back, nothing to stave off boredom of existing players. It is the aforementioned "Eve Online: We Fixed Some Moar Stuffz". Of course we still get some new players and some returnees, but we also lose players who get bored of Eve in equal numbers. Eventually after a couple more years the number of players quitting though boredom is higher than those returning or new players joining. The plateau becomes a ski slope. As space becomes quieter, more and more people get bored, and quit. Eventually the decline levels out as the hard-core fans remain. Eve is not what it was. I had finished drafting this blog post when I saw this - I'm not the only one thinking this, as one of my "Must Read Blogs" shuts down citing the recent "uninteresting expansions" as one of the reasons.

b) CCP Shake it Up
Realising that two and a half years of fixing stuff has done wonders in retaining players but has done bugger all in attracting new players, CCP decide there needs to be a halfway house. There needs to be bigger expansions, there needs to be an injection of amazement, wonderment and excitement into the game universe every so often. There needs to be new things to do. Let me give you an example - Wormhole space. I wonder how many veteran WH dwellers would still be playing Eve now if WH space hadn't been opened up? How many will have got bored with what they were doing before and left the game? With new things to do and headline features that can attract new players the plateau begins an upward trend. Not a lot and certainly nowhere as steep as before, but it does move!

c) CCP Return to Incarna Type Development
Massive new headline-grabbing features designed to bring in new blood into the game with a flurry of media coverage! But too ambitious and not enough staff. Development resources spread thinly over Eve, SOD (Save our Dust) and WoD. The 20m loan that needs paying back next year is looming and with DUST not raking in the money (it cannot be can it? I mean less than 4,000 average players?) CCP need to be careful hiring extra staff. It doesn't work, we get another 'Incarna' type botch-job and the plateau drops.... and drops into free-fall.

So there are my three predictions on how we could move on from the plateau. Three possible paths. I don't see the plateau continuing forever. Its got to go one way or the other and as I see it, and it is the expansions that are the key to tipping it one way or the other. The last option I see as very unlikely, CCP are not that dumb. The middle option... I don't know. The first option, I'm afraid that is the most likely and I foresee it leading to an unhappy outcome.

SCASSSS - A Few 2013 Pictures

A gallery for the first special Sunday short of 2014. Some of my pics of 2013...

After Fanfest 2013 and then the Rubicon Twitch stream I was getting fed up with the word "imagine" and a picture of badgers building a Stargate.... so I made my own!

Twas early January when Baghi posted a pic on Twitter from a collapsed Sindel. I had to! Where are you Bucky? We miss you!

2013 brought new jump effects. Dr Who? No Hilmar!

Someone posted this on Facebook, I just thought "Meanwhile.... on Pator...."

This is where we clone in the Middle East.

Leftover Turkey from Christmas? Tempest Pie!

I threatened to have this T made up for Fanfest 2013, may be for 2014... :)

Another Facebook post I just needed to make a slight addition to....

In QCats if you catch a pod it is common decency to hold it for your corpies to whore on, although sometimes it doesn't go to plan....

Meanwhile on the subject of podding....

The Fall of the Jove

Fiction Friday. Escape pod here to the finally released CSM Summer Summit Minutes. Great drinking game to be had here. Take a drink every time Ripard Teg's name appears. You'll be Sindel levels of drunkenness before you are halfway through!

This is a work of fiction and is my own guess at what has happened in Jove space. Usually I try to stick to "Eve canon" but this piece I'm just having a bit of fun! I have put the "strongly hinted at" extinction of the Jove (read Templar One) and the expected opening of 'new space' in 2014 together and this is how I think this is how it will be done. Once again, I know nothing, this is a pure guestimate!

Additionally my third Novella is almost finished in draft format. Back to good old pure action fiction featuring the Katsu Maru and the covert Mordu's Legion team on another adventure! Looking for proof readers again.


The Fall of the Jove

The small humanoid with the bulbous head stood in front of the console. It waved its thin, grey-skinned hands in the air as if it was conducting an invisible orchestra. Its skin was almost translucent and veins could be seen pulsating in the lights flashing on the console. As it gave the final commands, the lights stopped. Once these creatures had been human, technically they still were although from the DNA doubts would be cast. However, thousands of years of 'augmented evaluation' meant the Jovians were the least human looking of the five races of New Eden.

The door to the bridge opened and another entered, similarly dressed as the first.

"Greetings Miko of Jove. How is the task progressing?" asked the new arrival

"Ahhh Ulas. It is just about to start. See!" the Jove at the console pointed to the large viewscreen at the end of the bridge. It showed a massive space station orbiting the temperate planet.

"The orbit is already decaying from the first burn. Its path will bring it in at a shallow angle. The entry will be sufficient for it to burn up completely."

The two Jove stood side-by-side as the massive station fired its stabiliser rockets a second time. Not to maintain an orbit, but to send it to its doom.

"How many remain on there?" Ulas asked quietly.

"32 in total. They were in the final stages of the disease and would not leave. They knew the schedule, they knew what was happening. They chose this as their exit from existence." Miko replied.

The other Jove nodded solemnly, rather than letting the disease take them, many of his race chose to hasten the end. The Jovian Disease had all but completely destroyed their civilisation. Decades of tinkering with their DNA and emotions, striving for perfection, had created the fatal neurological condition. A depression so deep the Jovian simply loses the will to live. From a race of billions, there were only a handful of them left. Now it was a race against time before the end. They knew now no cure would ever be found now, their DNA was too badly damaged. With a fraction of their numbers remaining, hope of a cure had been lost. Reproduction by cloning meant the condition had laid dormant for generations, by the time it surfaced it was already too late to stop it. In the last six months, the last of the Jovians had accepted that their race was doomed to become extinct. However, they could not simply sit back and wait for the end. They knew what had to be done before the last of them died out.

Jovian technology was too far ahead that of the other four races of New Eden; the Caldari, the Amarr, the Minimatar and the Gallente. The Jove had been very careful not to let their technology cause issues with the delicate power balance in the rest of the cluster. They had traded technology with the other races, it was they who gave capsuleer technology. However, as their race crumbled and faded into the black, there would be nobody left to guard their secrets and maintain the balance. The first of the other Empires to reach their space and claim their abandoned technology would be able to conquer the entire cluster with relative ease. Equipped with advanced Jovian technology, whoever was able to find a way into their isolated pocket of space, would return and crush the other three swiftly.

A bright red haze appeared against the hull of the distant station was it started to skip on the upper atmosphere of the planet.

"And so, the last planetary station begins to burn up." Miko stated. "What of the deep-space outposts?"

"Those with reactors of sufficient size and mass have been set to overload. They will vaporise themselves as the reactors reach critical mass."

"And those remote outposts with smaller reactors?"

"We have installed cloaking devices and fully fuelled the reactors. They will remain hidden for at least 10,000 years. By that time we envisage that the other races of New Eden will have caught up if not surpassed our current levels of technology. When the cloaks on those outposts finally fail they will find simply interesting historical artefacts. It would have been better to destroy them, but we don't have the numbers."

Miko nodded. They had done similar to the remnants of the Terran technology in the vicinity of the Eve Gate near the New Eden system. Powerful cloaking devices on long-lasting reactors to ensure that the advanced technology did not fall into the wrong hands.

"And our ships?"

"Almost all destroyed. There are 11 remaining, 12 if you count this one. They contain the last of our race. Each Captain has the choice of how to end it, when the time comes. I've heard flying into a sun is the most popular choice. The last mothership is expected to the the final one to take that journey. It has the most people on board."

"And the Sansha?" Ulas asked.

"We have destroyed all the technology we could in the system that they control. The other Empires will have to deal with them. We managed to destroy the smaller outpost stations remotely but we know not what the Sansha may have already taken and reverse engineered."

The invasion of the Sansha was the final nail in the coffin of the Jove. Wormholes occurred throughout New Eden but the Jove were able to prevent them appearing within their space using a special structure and a rare mineral called Isogen-5. With the reduced numbers of Jove looking after their structures, one of them had gone offline in 3-CE1R. The Sansha, who like the Sleepers who are close relatives of the Jove, were able to control wormholes and able to open a wormhole in the system and invade. The weakened Jove could not fight and simply retreated, closing the stargates and ensuring the wormhole jammers were strengthened in the remaining systems. A ship was equipped with a cloaking device and was let through the stargate. It had been loaded with a devastating bomb. The Jovian pilot, in the final stages of the disease flew his ship into the station and detonated it. The Jove hoped that they were quick enough to stop the Sansha from gaining too many of their secrets.

Miko looked back to the viewscreen. The station was now a massive fireball as it started to break apart in the planets atmosphere.

"So that is it? Hundreds of thousands of ships destroyed, hundreds of outposts cloaked and hidden for millennia, dozens of stations crashed into planets. The only evidence of our once all-powerful race ever existed will be abandoned ruins on planets where the humans will find nothing but outdated technology."

"Yes Miko. Our once great light is now no more than a spark in the darkness of space. Soon it will be nothing. Extinguished."

The two Jove stared at the screen watching the station burn up in the bright blue atmosphere. Jovians had abandoned planetary living centuries before. Choosing to live amongst the stars. Thankfully this made the task of destroying their technology easier as all the advanced equipment was located on stations and ships. The remnants of their surface cities were outdated and decayed. Hardly any Jove had lived on a planets surface for over 300 years. They were not worried about what might be found planet-side.

"Is the message prepared?"

"Yes. We believe the humans will first cross the at the Sumania Expanse. It is the most logical entry point into our space. The satellite is positioned so that the first ship to enter will receive the recording. We know that there are likely to be some older sites we missed, we hope they will listen and not try to find them. However we know that it is pointless. All we can do is hope that the technology they can find and are able to reverse-engineer is old enough not to cause major shifts in the power-balance of the cluster."

Miko waved his hands over the console again. The viewscreen shifted as the ship realigned its course. The remnants of the station were now fiery meteors raining though the planets atmosphere. The planet edged out of view and the solar system's star settled in the centre of the screen.

"It is done. When the ship detects no life-signs on board it will engage the warp drives. Now if you will excuse me Ulas I will return to my quarters. I am feeling a little depressed."

Looking Ahead into 2014

Happy New Year! Hope you aren't suffering too badly after last night.

So what does 2014 hold for us? Well we don't really know. CCP these days are keeping their cards close to their chest. Since "POS-Rage-Gate", CCP has been really careful about suggesting any plans. Fanfest 2012 was "Look at this that we would like to do, isn't this cool!" but Fanfest was 2013....... 

"Details on anything? Nope! Not after the POS revamp rage! You'll only cry if we throw an idea out there, you love it and then we find we cannot do it!!! Instead here is Seagull with some flowery words and lots of mentions of the word 'imagine'."

We do know in 2014 that capsuleers will get more 'power' and do stuff that NPC's used to do. There is that SoE battleship. We are also getting new space... where ever that may be. So what could 2014 hold for us? Here are my hopes and my fears for Eve Online in 2014.

Hope - T3 Frigates
CCP has said they wanted to do more T3 hull sizes and that frigates would probably be next as they would be accessible to most. As a Faction War pilot I spend most my time in frigates and destroyers. A T3 frigate sounds fun!

Fear - Fanfest is DUSTfest
My personal opinion is that Fanfest 2012 was better than Fanfest 2013. 2013 had far too much DUST, and certainly very little information about the future of Eve. I swear if I see that picture of Badgers building stargates again or hear the word "Imagine....." again I'll scream.

Hope - Player Created Skill Books
Currently all skill books are either seeded onto the market or bought by LP. What if players could buy 'blank' skill books and could 'download' a copy of the skill into them. You'd need the skill to download at level 5 and you'd need special skills to 'write' the book. But that could be an interesting side-line for many players especailly in low and null sec.

Fear - More Help for the Risk Adverse.
The Mittani.com leaked a post someone made after getting some data off the developer server 'Chaos'. This guy previously predicted RHML and the SoE ships before CCP announced them so he has been right in the past. The deployable structures of D-Scan disruptor and decoy unit appears to be another step to reducing risk in low-sec. The stabbed and cloaky farmers are fapping themselves silly at news of these potential new deployables. People defending their home system will have to warp and enter each plex in turn potentially to check for targets. Pain in the posterior of the highest order.

Hope - DUST514 Becomes a Good Game
I dusted off my PS3 on Monday (pun intended). I had 10gb spare bandwidth at the end of the month so was time to try DUST514 again with its 2.4gb patch!. I enjoy console FPS games and have a 360 too. I started playing DUST in January 2013... and I didn't like it. December 2013 and I still don't like it. I want to like it! I am an Eve Universe fanboy! But the fact is the controls are clunky, the skills and fitting too complicated especially fitting using the gamepad. Movement is not fluid. Grenades behave 'oddly' and teams are not balanced. I played a few games, came to the conclusion its not really gone anywhere in the last few months and packed the PS3 away again. Will try in March time again.... if it is still running. Eve-Offline shows its maxing out at 3,500 peak users. Not a lot for a free "AAA" game!

Fear - Faction War gets no Love
Currently the risk vs reward of Eve Online is very broken in Faction War. You can make 100m ISK per hour easy with a one week old toon, on their Alpha Clone in a stabbed 1m ISK frigate. Currently CCP don't appear to care, and with the development plans moving on, I fear nobody is going to look at Faction War for a long time. We're up to our necks in farmers who won't fight. It's more Benny Hill Online than Eve Online most nights.

Hope - Incarna
I know we'll not get proper walking in stations in 2014 but Hilmar did make reference that we might hear something "May be next year." at Fanfest. I don't want meaningful Avatar gameplay. I don't want anything complex. Just open that door, give us a communal bar where we can deal boosters and shoot the breeze. Put a population cap on the bar (just like the Celtic Cross) if the technology isn't there! Instance the bars! Create corp only bars. Do something!

Fear - The New Space is 0.0 Mk II
Will the 'new space' to be introduced just be 0.0 mark II? The decent areas will be taken by the huge power blocs and the useless areas will be left for the smaller alliances. Will there be wonder and excitement like when wormhole space was opened up.... or will it just be an empty waste land?

Best Tears of 2013

Eve has 'meaningful' PvP. When you die you lose everything that was fitted to your ship. If you are in a fleet and your side holds the field you might be able to salvage a few bits and pieces that didn't get destroyed, but if you are solo or the enemy fleet held the field, its likely they have looted your wreck. This makes PvP intense and exciting. It also makes for some amazing tears.

Another thing is that we get a lot of farmers up our way. People who have SIGNED UP FOR FACTION WAR but don't want to fight and get very emotional when you pop them, especially when you catch one of their triple-stabbed, trash fit, t1 frigates. "I didn't ask for PvP!" they blub.... and then get a bit more aggressive when you point out that they did by signing up for faction WAR.

Both of these combined make for some interesting local 'chats' post-fight. I try to be nice in-game. If I kill someone I give a 'gf' even if it wasn't (i.e. my arty Thrasher alpha'd them before they could say "wtf...."). It goes both ways and if I walk into a trap and the 'solo fight' I thought I was getting turns into a 'Drackarn Gang-Bang', I'll still "gf". However, many others like to be more..... expressive... in local.

Luckily we have a thread on our forums for posting the best tears.... because sharing is caring. Here are some of my favourites from 2013 (with the crying party's names shortened to their first letter). These are all either directed at me (when my name is mentioned) or to a fellow Quantum Cats Syndicate pilot.

WARNING - Naughty words are used by some of the 'victims'.

Sometimes it is short:-

[08:33:05] Drackarn > gf
[08:33:09] Deryn Angrard > gf
[08:33:14] C > diaf

Sometimes it is very short:-

[19:07:21] Drackarn > gf
[19:08:13] J > faggot

Sometimes they like to make their point a few times just in case you missed the homophobic slur the first time as a corpie found out here:-

[19:30:31] T > fag
[19:30:33] chatgris > gf
[19:30:48] T > FAG
[19:31:30] T > double fag (Dracks note - I love the 42 second delay here, he must have been thinking hard for his next insult)

This next one was because I was chasing a squid farmer around Hirri, he wouldn't fight and simply warped off when I got point, multiple stabs! Second squid came in I thought I'd 1v2 them, my Incursus verses their Merlin and Incursus. Nope, they both ran, both were multi-stabbed. So..... time for the Amarrian alt in the twin scram Breacher. I killed the Merlin first and then the Incurus second. The Incursus pilot was was OK about it, gave in local a "gf" and convo'd my alt to ask why the purple-on-purple? As we chat with me explaining why (use stabs in Faction War and I'll use underhand tactics to catch you), local is scrolling... in Russian. Please forgive the Google Translate and I removed my alts name too. Also remember this guy just lost a T1 trash-fit Merlin...

[05:36:04] R > XXXXXXXXXX
[05:37:57] R > I own (Dracks note - I assume this was aimed at my alt and is supposed to be "This is my plex, please go away and find your own")
[05:38:07] R > no
[05:38:23] R > no
[05:38:45] R > no
[05:39:35] R > XXXXXXXXXX deductible fucking cancer
[05:39:56] Drackarn> Don't fit stabs
[05:40:01] R > nit
[05:40:24] R > XXXXXXXXXX sucker for what?
[05:40:59] R > XXXXXXXXXX answer goof
[05:41:22] R > Drackarn asshole
[05:41:31] R > fagot

This one here defies belief really. We are playing a computer game about internet spaceships.....

[12:03:12] Tzenick > gf
[12:03:17] N > OMFG
[12:03:48] N > It's the damnation in system.
[12:04:22] N > No gf.
[12:04:33] Tzenick > ok
[12:04:40] N > None
[12:04:44] Tzenick > rgr
[12:04:50] Tzenick > Have a nice day
[12:04:53] N > I hope you kill your family in a car accident and survive.
[12:05:01] Tzenick > Really.
[12:05:02] Mehashi 'Kho > lmfao
[12:05:02] Mezo Rage > Nasty stuff

Mr P below believes in 1v1's. The fact that he likes to use faction frigates against normal T1 frigates is not the point. Seriously! A faction frigate verses a T1 frigate is a fair 1v1 fight in his eyes! So when he attacks one of our deplexing toons in our home system (he never asked for a 1v1, just thought he could get a quick gank) and two more come to the rescue (me and another 'Cat)..... well that is just unfair! I think I may have had a drink with this one... I tend to answer back a bit when I'm merry!

[07:36:01 ] Drackarn > gf
[07:36:19 ] P > garbage fight not one piece of shit in this game can 1v1 your garbage
[07:36:28 ] P > circle jerk fags
[07:36:52 ] Drackarn > Oooo nice one for the "rage" forum thread
[07:36:56 ] Dr Wilson > What the heck did I walk into !?
[07:37:09 ] P > a bunch of bitchs
[07:37:19 ] Chuck Sanussi > Kill: P (Republic Fleet Firetail) dude
[07:37:23 ] Drackarn > Tears, lovely sweet tears

Of course the QCats invented the Cockbag Thrasher. The insta-lock/high-alpha one-man gate camp. Not everyone appreciates it tho...

[01:19:16] E > i really
[01:19:18] E > really hate gate camps
[01:19:30] Shadow Adanza > Just a one-man camp here.
[01:19:42] E > like legit, i don't care if i die 100 times in actual combat, but gate camping is for nigers and faggots
[01:20:05] Shadow Adanza > Have a good evening. ^_^
[01:20:12] E > bags of dicks
[01:20:14] E > choke on them

He mad, bro....

19:11:45] Rabugento > gf my friend
[19:11:50] C > Rabugento fuck u bonus fag
[19:11:59] C > Rabugento stupid noob
[19:12:09] Rabugento > you hurt my feelings
[19:12:20] C > i piss to u dface
[19:12:26] Tzenick > I think he lokes you rab
[19:12:33] C > u noob)
[19:12:36] Tzenick > likes
[19:12:37] C > Tzenick u noob
[19:12:43] C > samurais faggots
[19:12:49] Rabugento > ;3

Apparently we cheat in FW too! If we find a war target trying to capture a plex we are supposed to sit and wait whilst he deals with the NPC rat.....

b > so cheeszy
b > so cheesy
Takahara Omari > gf
b > no
b > you cheated
Takahara Omari > hows that?
b > you engaged while I was dealing with a cruiser mob
Takahara Omari > thats an NPC right?

Apparently drones are a bad weapons system...

[13:11:31] Tzenick > gf
[13:11:50] M > not really
[13:11:52] M > drones are fucking weak
[13:12:12] Tzenick > They are fine just get used to them
[13:12:32] M > fuck you
[13:12:41] M > w8 there ill be back
[13:12:44] M > im my fucking
[13:12:47] M > loki
[13:12:53] Tzenick > Dude calm down
[13:13:07] Tzenick > What crawled up his shorts

So there you go. A selection of rage and tears directed at me and my fellow QCats from the year that was 2013. I would point out we rarely kill carebears. If you are mining or ratting in low-sec, well, you know the risk. The vast majority (if not all) of the above are "PvP'rs". It just makes the mind boggle doesn't it....

SCASSSS - I am the 648th Most Vicious Killer!

Welcome to the last Special Sunday Short of 2013!

I made an Eve Online New Years Resolution last year at this time.

The 'other' kill board, BattleClinic, awards points for kills and displays your rank against other players. For years I had been hovering just outside the top 5,000 pilots in Eve. Yeah, not really much to shout about is it. So I decided that for 2013 my 'Eve goal' would be to get into the top 5,000. Now whilst I violenced plenty of important internet spaceships I wasn't getting many points on BattleClinic. Here is my simple understanding of how it works.

Each ship has a points value. Blow that ship up you get those points. Get blown up, you lose the points of your ship. Kill points minus loss points equals your score.

Simple? No!

Because BC is smart, it adjusts the points depending on what ship you use. For example if you engage an original destroyer in an original destroyer and kill it you will get standard points. If you engage that destroyer in a T1 frigate and kill it, you will get more points. If you use a cruiser, you will get less points.

Then we get onto friends. If there are multiple people on the kill the points are shared and affected by the largest hull type. So if you snag a cruiser and you are all in T1 frigates then you'll still get some decent points there even if there are a couple of you. If one of your mates warps in with a battlecruiser and helps, the points will be seriously reduced.

A few examples of my fights recently:-

Thrasher vs Thrasher - 20 Points
Thrasher vs Algos - 30 Points (the new destroyers are more points than the original destroyers)
Thrasher vs Merlin - 10 Points
Thrasher vs Slicer - 25 Points (Faction frigates are higher points)

So those are solo kills. I looked at some small gang fights and I was getting 3-5 points per kill with around 4 fleet mates on the kill-mail. Basically in a fleet fight you get a fraction of the points you get solo.

Best one I have seen to explain this was an interceptor in null-sec who found a Dreadnought trying, and failing, to fit through a stargate. The interceptor (or was it a frigate?) engaged and in the end the dread pilot got board and self-destructed. The pilot got 666 points for this 'kill'.

You also 'lose' points for being killed. This works in the same way. If you get blobbed by larger ships you won't lose many points. If you get solo'd by a 'lesser' class of ship you'll lose a lot more.

Anyway, the TL;DR is this:- If you want better BC ranking fly solo and kill bigger/superior ships than you are flying.

So basically thats what I started to do more. Rather than asking what people were doing and were there any fleets up when I logged on, I'd jump in a ship and roam. I'd still be on comms and still would help out when needed, but I solo'd a lot more regularly.

In January I broke into the top 5,000. New Years Resolution resolved in first month. However, I have been continuing and now, as they year draws to the end I am ranked 648th on BattleClinic. This is not great when you look that I have a corp mates in the top ten, the Quantum Cats Syndicate has some really ruthless killers! But for me, I'm pleased.

A Mining Town Called Reykjaa - Murder on Market Day

Fiction Friday! Escape pod here.

A Mining Town Called Reykjaa - Murder on Market Day

Dawish entered the bar and was immediately struck by the noise. Half of the town were there and the mood was excitable. An Outer Ring Excavation barge had landed at the starport. It was here to collect the raw Promethium ore from the mines. Usually these barges arrived once a month however due to scheduling conflicts it had been nearly two months since the last one visited. However, the barges didn't just arrive to take the mines output away. They also brought the crew to town.

Like many of the settlements the barges visited, Reykjaa was remote. In fact it was very remote, located in a dead-end solar system deep in Minmatar null-sec. No trade routes passed through the system, no merchants visited, no tourists came here. Therefore getting goods imported was ridiculously expensive. The crew of the ORE barges had come to realise this and that they could make a profit on goods they took for granted in high-sec. Each member of the barge crew would specialise in one type of goods that residents of back-water settlements would want. When in Empire space each crewman would fill their small quarters with as much merchandise as they could. Then, whilst the barge was docked at these remote settlements and being loaded with raw ore, the crew would set up 'shop' in the local bar. For a few hours the settlement's residents could barter and buy goods that they wouldn't normally have access to.

As Darwish wandered across to the bar he saw one of the ORE crew ascending the stairs with two of scantily-clad women that worked the bar. He glanced at the bar where Wilhelm, the owner of the establishment, was looking through assorted boxes piled high. Occasionally he would pull out a bottle to inspect before putting it back. It was usually the most senior member of the barge crew who took the alcohol side of the business. It was by far the most lucrative. Whilst most frontier settlements brewed their own beer and whiskey from locally grown produce, there was always great demand for proper Amarrian wines and Gallente vodkas. The added benefit from being in charge of the booze was that most bar owners also had girls that they would offer to knock down the asking price.

"Anything good Wilhelm?" Darwish asked as he reached the bar.

"Ah! Law Man! Excellent news, we have some of your favourite whiskey in here! It has been a most productive visit!" the bar owner beamed.

"Yes, I see the seller will be very satisfied very shortly. Was that Tamzin and Keely you packed him off with?"

Wilhelm was still rifling through the boxes not really looking at Darwish. He gave a chuckle.

"Certainly was. I got 900 credits knocked off this little lot for an hour with those two. I do love these ORE grunts. All that journeying through deepspace on a ship full of men ensures they all think with their little head when we start negotiations! Hell for these wines here I'd have paid full price AND offered the girls. I guess I'm just too much of a businessman!"

Darwish smiled and nodded in acknowledgement. He turned from the bar and walked over to the stalls set up along the far end of the bar whilst discreetly hiding his Law Man badge and covering his side-arm. The first one he reached was stacked with Gallente holoreels as well as an assortment of second-hand projectors. The man behind the stall smiled widely.

"Greetings! Anything you are particularly interested in? We've got the latest action movies from the Gallente Prime studios. I've even got a copy of 'Nyx 537' which isn't even officially out yet! Or are you after something a little more specialist? You know, something from the more adult produces of Dodixie? 'Militia Babes Go Wild' is my best seller!".

Darwish replied he was just browsing and continued on. The next stall was laid out with cloth and fabrics. A good selection of everything from fine Amarrian silk to sturdy Caldari synthetics. The one after that was selling clothes. Like the previous one, it had a mix of all four races. Gallente sportswear, Matari leather jackets, Amarrian robes and Caldari coveralls. He completed the circuit and left the bar, reattaching his badge of office as he left. He was still on duty and he had seen enough. What he was browsing for was any illegal items. Boosters, weapons, contraband. All appeared to be sufficiently legal, or close enough, so he left his fellow towns folk to haggle into the night.

-o0o-

Darwish had been asleep for an hour when the beeping of his communicator woke him. He groggily sat up and looked at the screen. It was Wilhelm so he answered.

"This had better be you inviting me around for a party with Tamzin and Keely to reward me for my loyal service to the town." he grumbled.

"Sorry Law Man. No party tonight, but you'd better over here. We've got an 'issue' round the back!".

Darwish got dressed and left the Law office. The bar was only a few minutes walk and he went straight down the alley at the side and round the back. At a rear door he found Wilhelm and a body on the floor, slumped between two bins.

"One of the ORE crew?" Darwish asked as he approached and got a proper look at the man on the floor.

"Yup!" replied Wilhelm "Looks like someone did him good!"

Darwish went up to the body. The man's throat had been cut and his entire front was drenched in blood.

"You know what this guy was selling?" Darwish asked as he searched the corpse.

"Yeah. He was the one with the consumer electronics. Not a real popular stall here to be honest."

Darwish carefully searched the body found a wallet and a small datapad in the man's pocket. Not a robbery then. He turned the datapad on and looked through the recently opened files. He had a stock inventory and sales list for the goods he had been selling. Wilhelm had been right, he'd had a slow evening and he had not sold a lot. In total he'd sold one music player and a small holograph ornament. Darwish called the doctor and his own deputy next who arrived promptly. As they secured the crime scene he went inside with Wilhelm to check out the victims stall.

The goods were layed out on the table still. A wide selection of cameras, holo-recorders, datapads and other technology. Not really anything that would be massively popular in Reykjaa. Dawish checked under the table, wondering if he'd find some ellicit booze or other goods that might have upset one of the other ORE crew. In order to avoid conflict or price-wars, each crew member had a specific type of merchandise they dealt in. The more senior you were in the crew and the longer you had served the more lucrative the goods you dealt in. Darwish didn't find anything to suggest he was dealing outside his 'allowed area' and thus would provide a motive for one of his crew mates to kill him.

A thought then occurred to him. He reached for his own datapad and brought up the evenings messages. There was one from Kador at the spaceport. He always sent a message to the Law Man when any ship arrived. As well as the ORE barge, a shuttle had landed a few hours after. Two men had arrived stating they were on 'business'. Not a common event, but not totally unheard of. Darwish had assumed at the time they were mining equipment suppliers or a factory looking to set up a supply deal for raw Prom. He called Kador asking him to ensure that the shuttle developed some 'difficulties' and to ensure that should the two men return he should be notified immediately. Kador was a veteran of the starport and could easily sabotage any thing that flew and make it look like a maintenance issue. Darwish knew the two new arrivals wouldn't be leaving early now Kador was on the case. He needed to speak to those two at some point. He went back to the table of full of electrical goods, and started to go through the dead man's datapad.

-o0o-

The police car bumped along the unmade road to the starport on the edge of town. Darwish was accompanied by Hjalmar his deputy. Kador had called to say the two new comers had arrived back at the starport and requested immediate flight clearance. Apparently when they tried to leave, the shuttles engines blew a coupling.

"So boss. You think these are the guys?" Hjalmar asked.

"Well Wilhelm said he saw two new faces in the bar tonight. Smartly dressed guys in suits. Description fits what Kador gave. Two men on business arrive late evening and then look to depart in the early hours of the next morning? I really would like to ask what sort of business they are in that needs a night-time meeting. Also why come this deep into null-sec for a couple of hours? I don't know if these two had anything to do with the murder but it smells fishy to me. We need to get some answers from them."

A few minutes later they pulled up outside the starports administration building. Darwish could hear raised voices inside. He jumped from the vehicle and nodded to Hjalmar . Darwish approached the building as Hjalmar darted around the back as he slowly opened the door.

"What do you mean the shops shut? What kind of port is this?"

"The kind where most of our facilities close at night. Look young man, Hjalmar will be here in a few hours. When he opens the mechanics shop he'll be able to sell you a new coupling and he'll even install it for you."

"We aint prepared to wait old man. So you'd better open that shop up now, otherwise......"

"Otherwise what?" Darwish asked.

The two men span round and Darwish got his first good look at them. They were clearly Gallente. The suits were tailored and the shoes expensive. Their expression changed at the sight of the Law Man from annoyance to concern.

"Sorry, we don't want any trouble Law Man. Look, a coupling blew and we just want to buy a replacement and leave this planet in peace. We don't want any bother."

The two men looked very nervous.

"Had trouble with your hydraulics too?" Darwish asked.

"No, they are fine." replied one of the men.

"Oh, it just looks like your friend there has hydraulic fluid sprayed on that rather nice white shirt."

The man who had been speaking slowly turned his head to look at his partner. Red specks were visible against the bright white material.

"Oh that!" the man laughed as he turned to his partner and put his back to Darwish "Thats just...."

Suddenly the man spun back around, a gun now in his hand. Darwish dived behind a sofa as blaster fire lit up the office. Kador dropped behind the counter as the man with the gun advanced on Darwish.

"You couldn't leave it alone could you cop. You'd have made it though the night and continued your pitiful existence on this backwater planet. But no, you had to be super cop!"

Darwish leant over the side of the sofa with his own blaster in his hand and fired off two shots narrowly missing the attacker who had to dive for cover.

"Not super, just cop, asshole!" he yelled.

With the return fire the two suspects ran, bursting out of a side door just as Hjalmar burst in with a shotgun through the back door.

"Always late to the party." Darwish grumbled!

"Stylishly late I thank you!" came the retort.

The two Law Men gave chase as the suspects raced over the huge expanse of concrete away from the buildings and towards the only working ship at the port, the ORE barge.

"Shit!" gasped Darwish as they sprinted.

"What? If they hide in there we have them. No way out! Rather they ran there than into the woods." replied Hjalmar.

"No, look in the cockpit!"

Hjalmar looked and saw someone standing there looking down at them.

"So?"

"The crew are back on board! That one there is watching two law men chase two men an hour after one of their own was killed. What do you think he is thinking!"

Hjalmar realised the significance and increased his speed. Unfortunatly Darwish was right and the two suspects had too great a head start. By the time Darwish and Hjalmar got to the barge's ramp the two suspects were laid out. A group of burley barge crew were stood around holding metal bars and oversized wrenches.

"Caught them for you Law Man." one said nonchantly.

Darwish looked down at the suspects. Their heads were practically caved in and blood flowed in small rivers down the ramp. Grey brain matter spilled from the cracked skulls.

"Damn it guys. We needed them alive." he sighed exasperated.

"They resisted and we feared for our lives." another crew member dead-panned.

Darwish looked at the group of twelve muscled men and decided whilst he could point out the obvious there was no point arguing. In their eyes justice had been served.

-o0o-

The mayor poured a large whiskey and handed it to Darwish who was sat in one of the chairs in the town hall office.

"Bit of a mess then?" the mayor commented as he stared out of the window at the setting sun. It had been a long day.

"You could say that."

"Are you charging any of the ORE crew?"

"No point. We cleared the barge for take-off an hour ago. The suspects were armed with blasters, those crew with simple tools from the ship. Any court would have struggled to convict them especially after what had happened earlier. I suppose we could argue that those crew where hulks of men and could have easily taken the two suspects alive, but would we get anywhere? Doctor also confirmed the blood on the second suspects shirt matched the 'vics'. The crew took out the murders so we can chalk this up to frontier justice and let them go free."

"Not to mention we rely heavily on that barge's visits." muttered the mayor.

Darwish just nodded.

"You said you had discovered why that crew member was killed?"

"Yes, case closed. When I checked the 'vic's' stall I had his datapad. The 'vic' kept a very detailed log of what he had in stock and what he sold and for how much. He loved his spreadsheets. There was a holo-recorder I couldn't account for. I assumed whoever killed the crew member took the recorder. Thats when I checked the flight logs of the shuttle and also those of the barge, that shuttle had been chasing the barge for the last 3 stops. They had been just too late the previous two times and this is where they finally caught up with them. His datapad also detailed the 'vic's' purchases, he bought that holoprojector from a loan/sell shop in frog space. I did a bit of digging and made a call to the nearest police station. Thankfully the cop I spoke with was helpful. He told me that the shop was no more than a fence for stolen goods. However, it had recently closed. The day after our 'vic' bought the recorder the place was hit hard and torched. The cops heard from an informant that apparently some idiot crooks had robbed the home of a local Serpentis boss. The Serps had caught up with the robbers and 'persuaded' them to tell them what they'd done with the goods they had stole. Apparently the thieves were found next day, minus their skin, and various other important body parts. They had sold the stolen loot to the loan/sell shop which had then been torched. The two suspects that arrived here chasing the barge were obviously Serps come to collect the last piece of missing gear. The recorder our 'vic' had bought just before they hit the store."

The mayor downed his drink.

"Seems a bit of a waste of three lives just for a stolen holo-recorder!" he stated.

"Its more than that Mr Mayor. We found the recorder hidden on their shuttle. It hadn't been wiped. It contains a high-definition recording of a book-keeper admitting he had been syphoning off from Serpentis funds that he was supposed to be laundering."

"Sounds like something you shouldn't confess to, especially on holoreel." the Mayor stated.

"It isn't. But as the first hour of the recording shows the book-keepers secretary being worked over whilst the bookkeepers wife and kids were forced to watch, I think any man would have told the truth to spare his family the same fate. The recording cuts off after the confession so we don't know the fate of the book-keeper or his family. But given the job they pulled on his secretary, I don't want to know."

The mayor looked at Darwish gobsmacked.

"Your not kidding?"

Darwish down his drink and stood.

"Nope. Republic Security Services will be here in an hour to collect the recorder. They have chartered a capsuleer in an interceptor, that is how serious they are taking this. I'll also make it well-known that it is off-world as soon as they do. I'll give that cop a call, I assume they have leaks in their department. That way the Serps won't come looking for it and our Government has a nice gift for the Gallente. Should be worth something in return."

"So alls well that ends well?" asked the mayor.

"Its not ended yet. I need to erase what I saw on that tape from my head, and I intend to use copious amounts of expensive drink and cheap women... or may be the other way around. I'll see when I get to the bar."

With that Darwish stood and left the mayor's office and headed to the bar, intending to forget.

A Very Amarrian Christmas

Merry Christmas to you dear reader! I hope Santa brings you what you wished for. Hang on minute...... if you are here then you are a probably an Eve Online player. Therefore you are probably more on the 'naughty' side than the 'nice' side. Well, unless you are Chribba Veldspar or Sindel Pellion of course. Then I'm sure Santa will be rewarding you you for being a good boy and girl! Otherwise, you are probably buggered you utter sociopathic bully (aka Eve Online player)! This is the final piece of my Christmas fiction and looks at the Amarr. We are back to fiction only being on a Friday after this. Also, this post is a day early, I don't intend to do my usual Wednesday post as I would hope tomorrow you are feasting on gargantuan amounts of turkey with your loved ones and not on here reading 'Eve-O "Christmas" stories'!

Enjoy the festive season, have a VERY merry Christmas and I'll see* you in space after the break!



A Very Amarrian Christmas

There are numerous celebrations and festivals within the Amarrian Empire. Several of these could be related to Christmas of our time. But toady, we look at a very strange tradition on the planet of Arshat III in the Nashar constellation.

If you listen to the Matari you would think all slaves in the Amarr Empire are badly mistreated. On some, well, may be most planets they are right and the Minmatar slaves are treated worse than the dogs they use to control them. They live a miserable existance in constant fear and pain. However, some holders treat their slaves extremely well. Let us not forget that they are still slaves. They serve their Amarrian masters for no pay and they will never be free. However, other than the lack of payment, some are treated almost as employee's.

Holder Yaser is one of these more gentler Holders. He rules Arshat III with a fur mitten as opposed to an iron fist. The slaves on Arshat III are mostly grateful given the stories they have heard about how slaves are treated on other planets. Yaser doesn't use glave collars or vitoc and his slaves have a level of 'freedom' that would be unthinkable on most other Amarrian planets. The Holder does have a sizable army which now includes cloned soldiers. The Matari slaves know any uprising would be pointless, bloody and very one-sided. Given their situation they are content to maintain the status quo and there is rarely any problems within the slave population.

One of the biggest annual celebrations on Arshat III is the birthday of the Empress (or Emperor when one is on the throne). In the morning the Amarrian children receive presents from their parents. Like the Gallente version, there is no mythical being that delivers presents here and no 'naughty or nice' threats like those in the Matari and Caldari 'Christmas' alternatives. In the early afternoon there is a grand feast. Toruk is the traditional roast, which is a huge flightless bird found in the plains of the largest continent. Fine wines, fruits and cheeses round off the meal by which time the slaves quietly clear the table as most of the diners have fallen asleep thought too much food and wine.

In the evening they play games and tell stories recounting the glorious Amarrian Empire. However, it is the day after is rather unquie. On the planet Arshat III it is tradition for the slaves and the masters to swap roles for the day. The Amarrians get out of bed early and cook breakfast for their slaves and deliver it by hand to their sleeping quarters. The slaves have the day off and usually spend the morning together with their families relaxing. Many masters allow them to use the pool if they have one or to arrange transport to a beach or lake.

During this time the Amarrians return to the kitchens to prepare a feast for lunch. Traditional Matari fare is cooked consisting of wild boar and potatoes. The Holder imports Matari ale and mead from Mator but the slaves can also have the local wine if they wish. Obviously the sharing only goes so far, and the Amarrian wines made available are hardly the finest vintage, but to the slaves, it is their only opportunity of the year. The drinks are poured by Amarrians who also serve the food. It is seen as fun for the Amarrians who are really playing at the role.

In the afternoon the masters give presents to the slaves children. These tend to be simple toys and not the advanced technology that they give their own children. But for a slave child, even the most basic Amarrian toys are an amazing gift. A wooden model of Apocalypse battleship might be a poor toy to an Amarrian child, but to a Matari slave-child it is an amazing gift.

In the evening it is traditional for a huge bonfire to be lit in the slaves village square and more ale is served along with sweet marshmellows to toast on long sticks by the fire. Once all the drinks and treats are prepared the Amarrians tend to leave, giving the Matari the evening to enjoy themselves.

The next day it is back to work as normal, but for one day on planet Arshat III, the Matari can forget that they are slaves.



*When I say see you in space, I actually mean shoot you! What did you expect? Christmas cheer from a pirate?