Thursday, November 29, 2012


ALERT! Fan fiction featuring a goat! Your emergency exit is here for an interesting blog on killing newbs!

This is an extra entry for the Pod and Planet fiction contest. In the Eve-O forum post some rules were laid out which linked to the EON Guidelines. This included that you had to be careful with existing storyline characters. Which is understandable, I mean you shouldn't be killing off President Roden for a laugh should you? Empress Jamyl II wouldn't have a leaked home movie should she..... well actually if you read Templar One and what she was up to with Falek Grange (giggity)! Anyway, the actual example that was given, was about Tibus Heth and a goat, which obviously wouldn't be acceptable.

Wouldn't it? Of course not!

Could it? Well may be......

I love a challenge........




The two teenagers were hidden behind a pile of rubble which formed what was left of a partially destroyed office block. Soon the laughing voices could be heard as they approached. Petar peaked over the top. The two Caldari soldiers looked relaxed, they even had their rifles slung casually over their backs. This angered the young Gallentean even more, to see them ambling down the Gallente city's main street without a care in the world. It steeled his determination.

"Clear now?"

Petar looked down from his vantage point at Krissy and shook his head. At 16 she was a year younger than him but shared his anger over the Caldari occupation of their planet. They had met at the children's shelter after both sets of parents were killed in the Caldari invasion. Over the last three years they had grown close as brother and sister. Life at the shelter was hard and keeping together got them through a number of bad times. A lot of kids lost their parents and families in the invasion, many more were lost in the turbulent months after the Caldari seized control. The Gallente citizens on Caldari Prime had resisted but they were no match for the Caldari ground forces. Public punishments and executions had been a common sight in the city square for the first few months as people tried to fight back, were caught and were sentenced by the occupiers.

"Let them get round the corner before me move." he whispered.

Petar's house had been destroyed by a dropship during the invasion. It had been hit by Gallente defensive AA fire on the approach to the city and had lost control. 14 other houses had been wiped out in the crash. Petar had been out at a friends house when the invasion started and was spared the sight of this home and parents being crushed by the flaming wreckage. Krissy had not been as fortunate. Her family had survived the initial days of the invasion. Her older brother had joined one of the resistance cells that had formed in the immediate aftermath. One night, what he didn't know was that a miniature tracking drone had followed him back after a strike against a temporary Caldari field base. They came for him that early morning. From what little Krissy had told Petar of the event it appeared her mother had put herself between the Caldari soldiers and her son. She was given a plasma bolt in the chest for getting in the way. When the enraged father attacked the soldiers, he'd been shot too. They then simply executed her brother where he stood and took Krissy to the children's shelter and dumped her there.

The two Caldari soldiers disappeared from sight and Petar and Krissy sprinted from the pile of rubble, across the street and to the base of a statue that had been recently erected by the side of the road. Using the huge marble plinth as cover they hunkered down, keeping hidden from the windows of the building claimed by the Caldari Providence Directorate. This was the Caladari headquarters for the district. The building was set back from the road and the gardens in front had been replanted following the damage caused in the invasion. Some of the most intense fighting of the invasion had been around this block. Before the Caldari came this was the city hall where Gallente bureaucrats ran the city and surrounding area. The city of Vionles had sprung up well after the first Caldari/Gallente war where the Gallente captured Caldari Prime. It was mostly Gallente settlers that lived in the city with only a few Caldari. The city hall had been one of many beacons of Gallente dominance throughout the planet. Now it was full of Caldari military who ruled the city with an iron first. Petar looked up at the Caldari flag fluttering in the breeze on top of the building in disgust.

"OK, you ready?" asked Krissy.

Petar stuck his head over the plinth and scanned the local area with his eyes. He saw a combat MTAC by the doors of the headquarters but it was unmanned. In the months after the invasion this building was heavily protected with several armed guards, roving patrols and at least two combat MTACs at all times. But that was a long time ago, the empty scene he saw in front of him was normal since the resistance had been crushed and the Caldari occupiers had relaxed. All appeared to be clear.

"Yes, are you sure this will work?" he asked.

"Should do. Art-balls are in limited supply these days but I've programmed this one best I could. If the power pack inside is still functioning and can run the emitters for a full cycle I'm pretty sure it'll look like one, I just need to ensure it is positioned right."

Krissy pulled the fist-sized ball from her backpack and clicked a switch, a small light lit up. She pulled her arm back and threw it up at the statue where it stuck on the bronze figures upper thigh. They watched as the white foam started to be ejected from the ball. Slowly the mass of white modelling foam took shape, electrical charges from the art-balls power supply shaping the foam to the pre-programmed shape as it slowly expanded. Two legs started to form from an elongated body shape, then another two legs. Then a neck, followed by a head and two oversized floppy ears. Within a minute the small ball had transformed into a three metre long goat, which was firmly attached to the front of the statue of Tibus Heth. The two teenagers stood to admire their work.

"Pity we couldn't move his arms to grab the ears" Krissy giggled.

"Or use nanites to alter the head to put on his happy-face." Petra replied laughing.

The sound of a plasma rifle being cocked immediately behind them made them freeze. Nothing happened, so they both slowly turned together. Behind them were two Caldari soldiers who were looking up at the statue, now with added goat. Their expressions were a unusual mix of shock, anger and bewilderment. Slowly they lowered thier heads to inspect the two teenagers.

"So you think that is funny do you?" one of the soldiers asked threateningly. Petar and Krissy remained silent, they were frozen to the spot with terror.

"I think the interrogator's are going to have some fun with you t....."

The lead soldier suddenly stopped talking, a red mist erupted from the side of his head and he collapsed on the floor.

"What the....."

The other soldier raised his rifle and started turning when he too slumped to the ground, a red hole had appeared between his eyes. Petar and Krissy just stood there dumbstruck looking at the soldier who now had an obscene third eye. They were shocked out of their trance as a strange man sprinted up and took cover by the plinth. He was dressed in old style Gallente combat fatigues. A scarf was tied around his face hiding his features. He had a sniper rifle slung over his shoulder and was carrying a large bag.

"Get down!" he hissed.

The two teenagers suddenly realised they were in the open and crouched down by the statues plinth. They saw the man looking up at the foam goat.

"For fracks sake. Why here? Why tonight?" he groaned to nobody in particular, shaking his head slowly.

"Who are you?" Petar asked.

"Resistance kid. And you'd better get out of here. A shit-storm is brewing, and you and your pretty girlfriend don't want to be covered in shit now do you!"

"I am not his girlfriend!" Krissy protested!

"Whatever!" said the man removing a long metallic tube from the huge bag he was carrying. "Just get out of here! Oh, and whilst your timing sucks, nice touch with the artwork." He gave them a wink.

The two teenagers produced beaming smiles at the compliment and ran back to the rubble pile across the street. They could see a dozen other men in position all around the HQ building. Petar was thinking that this didn't make sense. There had been no resistance activity for nearly a year. The local resistance apparently had been defeated, or that was the word on the street. That is why security at the CPD building was so lax these days. Suddenly they saw the man at the statue plinth level the long tube at the HQ building. A small rocket spat from the end of it and slammed into the ornate doors blowing a three metre hole in them.

"I've got a feeling we need to be gone from this place, like now!" Petar whispered. Krissy nodded in agreement.

As they moved slowly away through the ruined building, crouched over for cover, they left the scene of the Gallente resistance engaged in a fire-fight with Caldari occupation forces, all spectated over by a large statue of Tibus Heth, with a comical foam goat stuck to the front of his groin.


  1. Brilliant !

    (proof reading - "... at the shoulder(sic) who now had an obscene third eye." Soldier?

    1. Thanks! I reread this several times. Just shows how difficult proofreading your own work is and how you see what the brain thinks should be there. Corrected!

  2. Ha ha! BTW, where'd you get those cool illustrations? Caldari flag on a funky building, etc.

    1. The Caldari flag is a CCP image that I photoshop'd. The funky building is London's City Hall, the skyscrapers are an American city, don't remember which and the sky is a screenshot from Dodixie.