Wednesday, November 26, 2014

BFTP - 300, Loren Gallen, Chuck Norris and Overkill

Continuing the Blast from the Past series for the two weeks I'm on holiday, this is from October 2011. I think its one of my most popular posts as it features the phrase "Chuck Norris" which over the years gets as many hits as "sindel pellion legs" from Google searches!

300, Loren Gallen, Chuck Norris and Overkill

I got onto Eve late last night as I was watching a few episodes of "The Mentalist" with the Eve Widow (AKA the wife). If you haven't seen it, think "Lie to Me" meets "CSI". I guess I like sarcastic good guys who take the p1ss!

Anyway with just over an hour left before I plan to turn in for the night I jump in a throw-away Thrasher and head off to Enaluri. I see a few squids on the run over but they either keep away from me, run away or are in cloaky ships.

I arrive in Enaluri to find a few neuts, 29 squids and about 6 Gallente in system. I assume the squids are hunting down the small gang of friendlies so I go to a pounce off top station, nothing there. I warp off to a on-grid pounce at bottom station. The friendlies are there.... camping the undock! Seriously guys? 6 vs 29?? I note they have a carrier, but it is the Minmatar one. Still, surely the squids are just about to undock a fleet to take this small gang on? Any moment.... any moment now...... mmmmm maybe not then.

Anyway I've got 45 minutes so I warp to station and sit on the undock with them. An Ibis undocks! We pop him like the l33t pvp'rs we are ;)

I got the killmail and he had a decent web fitted so I thought I'd post it for sh1ts and giggles. After I posted it, I noted on the Shadows of the Federation Killboard there were two carrier kills as top kills of the week. So I clicked on one and then the related kills to find out what the story was. I saw this rather nice battle report...

Looks an epic fight. Unfortunately for me it occurred at 01:30am local time here and on a work night (Sundays are a normal day here, weekends are Friday and Saturday). I noticed one of the guys in the camp was also there so I linked the battle report in local and asked if it was a good fight. He then linked this video of the fight -

So for the next 15 minutes I'm watching the video whilst trying to pop squids that undock. We catch a Crow, and then a Dramiel and two Manticores undocked. We got the Dram but the two Manticores got away. That should have been the sign for us. The squids in station now had eyes on us.

However we stayed. It was getting late but I was having fun even if it was just sat on the undock. Loren Gallen had said to us in Corp Chat that the squids were still hurting after that battle where they lost the carriers and we should leave them alone. I said in local (I wasn't on comms with the other friendlies) that Loren had told us to leave them alone and we should do as he says as he is the Chuck Norris of Eve. I then spent five minutes posting "Loren Gallen Facts" in Local.....

- Do you know why some planets in New Eden are barren? Because Loren Gallen has already been there.
- When Loren Gallen jumps into a swimming pool he doesn't get wet.... the water gets Loren'd.
- We all live in a constantly expanding universe... all of it trying to get as far away from Loren as possible.
- Fear of spiders is called arachnophobia, fear of confined spaces is called claustrophobia, fear of Loren Gallen is called logic.
- Loren Gallen does not cheat death, he beats it fair and square.
- When Loren activates a stargate he doesn't move through the universe, the universe repositions itself so he is where he wants to be.*

Now, I don't know if the squids have been forming a fleet for the last 50+ minutes and are finally ready to go at this point, or if my bad Loren Gallenism's forced them to undock to try and shut me up, but either way, they undocked. Remember that there is about half a dozen of us including a carrier and a T3 but also including frigates and destroyers. So what do they undock with? This.....

Forget the Picard Manouvre, I'm performing the Brave Sir Robin Manouvre! I'm in warp and away! My Thrasher cannot repel firepower of that magnitude. Apparently they caught the Proteus which melted under that fleets firepower.

I head back home as it's late and I'm happy with my noob ship, Crow and Dram kills. But in the end, that was one hell of a fleet they undocked for such a small gang camping their station which they needed 50 minutes to form......

....all I can assume is they thought Loren was with us.

*This is the only fact that I actually thought up personally, the rest are Chuck Norris Facts for (the first one was Chuck/Mars)

P.S. I just checked the KB again and in case anyone has any doubts about the above Loren Gallenism's, after I called it a night he solo'd a Charon class frieghter (carring 21 CN Hookbills), a CN Raven, two Badgers and two Drakes! Probably whilst satisfying three women at once and inventing a new form of clean limitless power. Sometimes I do hate that guy ;)


  1. Talkedd to the new owner of Loren gallen last night in singularity .

  2. We had a lot of fun on Sisi, met a lot of interesting dudes and blown up Marlona Sky twice, so that's op success :)

    I'm working on a PvP video titled "Loren Gallen - The Legacy", which I intend to be a proper tribute to the greatest PvP dude in EvE (and all around great chap). I miss Loren a lot and hopefully he'll come back to EvE somehow, if only to spank me for murdering his killboard stats over 2014.

    1. Loren never actually quit. He just didn't want the hassle of maintaining his top spot on the KB. He's around on his old alts still I believe

    2. he could just let it slip. anyway it was fun and then have to go for the mass test afterward. Fleet X won

      How's the dive BTW

    3. Just back from the house reef. Saw a few uncommon things like a few Frogfish, Leaffish and a couple of decent sized black tip reef sharks :))