Sunday, December 22, 2013

A Very Caldari Christmas

This is the second in a series of four at this festive time of year! Christmas... Caldari style?

A Very Caldari Christmas

The equivalent of Christmas in the Caldari State is 'The Day of the Secede'. This refers to the day in 23154 where the Caldari officially left the Gallente Federation and the State became independent. Of course this kicked of a massive war, but still, any excuse for a celebration.

It is said that the first leader of the Caldari State commissioned a spectacular robot to celebrate their new independence. The Gallente were seen as masters of robotics at the time and the State wanted to prove it could be better than them.This self-repairing android was years ahead of its time and there are rumours that much of the technology used within the Android was given to the State by the sympathetic Jovians. An advanced AI was implanted in the droid and a powerful reactor positioned inside its core. Using nanobots and Jovian (alleged) replication technology the droid could create objects out of thin air. Well, not thin air exactly, its from its available massive reserves of power and sub-atomic engineering. With this technology the robot could self-repair and essentially 'live' forever.

When the robot was completed, the first head of the Caldari State, asked to be alone with the robot. He sat with it for two days talking of his dreams for the fledgling State. The robot listened intently, for his prime directive was to help the State become great. After the mammoth talk the robot went into a hibernation mode, saying it needed to think. The scientists and engineers where shocked at this, but let it play out to see what happened. For a year and a day the robot slept. The monitors were showing it was processing immense amounts of data. It ran scenarios and predictive models covering countless billions of people and hundreds of settlements.

Exactly a year and a day after it entered hibernation mode, it awoke. It requested to see the Head of State again and the supreme leader of the State cancelled important meetings to meet the robot. The State's advisor said it was madness, as since the robot had been in hibernation all-out war had broken out with the Gallente and matters of State were much more important than a robot mainly built to celebrate the birth of the State.

The robot explained to the leader that it had modelled millions of scenarios for improving the State. It had come to the conclusion that the children were the key. They needed to be taught right from wrong and that hard work and good behaviour would be rewarded and laziness and disobedience would be punished. This would prepare them for adult life in the glorious Caldari State.

When asked what he needed to do to achieve this vision, the leader was told that he need to do nothing.

"Oh great ruler of the glorious Caldari State. In my year and a day of sleep I have learnt that this task is my purpose. It is why I was created. I shall go forth and monitor every boy and girl in the State. I will reward those that have worked hard and been good. But I will punish those who are lazy and disobedient."

And so the robot left, never to be seen again. The next 'Day of the Secede' the news channels were abuzz with the story that millions of a Caldari children had awoken to find presents left for them. Apparently not all children received gifts. Those who didn't try at school, those were disobedient to their parents, they got nothing. Just a simple slip stating their misdemeanour's throughout the year. This is said to form part of their permanent record in the State. One or two 'black slips' was not a problem, but should the child receive three or more, their future job prospects would be bleak.

So, young child of the State, have you been good this year? Have you worked hard at school so you will become a great citizen? Have you put in the effort so when you grow up you can join the ranks of the leaders of the mega-corps? If you have, you can expect a reward as the robot visits your house on Secede Eve. But if you haven't, may be there will be a black-slip waiting for you. Be careful young citizen, you don't want to be a labourer in a dirty, cold asteroid mine do you?


  1. It gives the good kids Warp Stabs doesn't it? and the bad ones armor plates right?