Friday, May 9, 2014

The Pest

Fiction Friday! Escape pod here.

"Can you write a story about me?". It was late in the Celtic Cross at the #tweetfleet meet the Wednesday night before Fanfest officially started. What could I say? For a start, the lady sat opposite me asking the question was wearing lace-top stockings which automatically inclines me to say yes to absolutely anything. Oh, and I was drunk. So I started thinking, what story could I write? Then after the Party on Top of the World and her experiences there, I had an idea. Oh.... and the 4 titans chat up line.... true story. o.0

The Pest

The Thrasher class destroyer dropped out of warp two kilometres from the immense space station. Its dull blue-grey lines blotted out the solar system's star some 6.6 astrological units behind it. The rings of the adjacent planet made this station particularly scenic. The craft shuddered as the warp-drive fully cut-out and the sub-light engines kicked in, propelling it the final short distance towards the station.

At around 800 metres from the station the ship shuddered again as powerful tractor beams locked onto the relatively small ship and pulled it into the cavernous ship hanger.

45 minutes later the Captain of the Thrasher entered the bar on deck 5. This was one of the high-security decks reserved for capsuleers, the immortal pilots of New Eden, and the top executives of the mega corporations.

As he entered the bar, Drackarn noticed her immediately. She was sat at the counter chatting to the barman. As usual for him, he started his assessment from the floor up. The boots were Gallente, one of the top fashion houses. The stockings were Amarrian, only the Amarr could produce silk that pure. Like many capsuleers, Drackarn had neural implants that vastly increased his perception. However, they were not needed to see the hint of the lace top of the stockings that were just visible under the short red velvet skirt. Her midriff was bare revealing a toned stomach. The tight red velvet top matched the skirt. A jewelled necklace hung between her breasts. Her hair was mid-length and a dark reddish brown. She was highly attractive. 

Drackarn passed her and entered one of the booths and sat down.

The barman came over and greeted him. He was already carrying a bottle of Drackarn's favourite vodka, a small ice bucket and one glass.

"Any company tonight sir? Yvette and Maria will be here in 15 minutes." asked the barman referring to Drack's favourite companions on this station.

"Not at the moment thanks Franc." he replied.

The barman nodded and returned to the bar. Now seated behind the mysterious woman Drack saw a glint of metal on the back of her neck under her hair. An implant socket. She was a capsuleer. He pulled out his datapad and looked at the list of capsuleers registered as docked at the station. He saw the mysterious woman's profile picture and brought up her details. He nodded thoughtfully and a slight smile crossed his lips.


Drackarn sipped on the very expensive vodka and watched a small group of capsuleers get exceeding drunk over the next 45 minutes, whilst keeping an eye on the attractive new-comer. He watched as they laughed amongst themselves and occasionally glanced back over to the attractive woman at the bar who paid them no heed. Eventually one appeared to work up the courage to approach her. His friends staying seated and trying not to make it obvious they were watching.

"This could get very interesting" mused Drackarn who sat back and watched, sipping his ice-cold vodka.


"Hi there." the capsuleer said as he approached.

"Hi." replied the woman with a smile.

"Can I buy you a drink?" the man asked.

"Thank you for the offer, but my partner will be here shortly." she politely said.

"Oh... right." replied the man rejectedly. He returned to his friends to a chorus of whoops and hollers.

It was five minutes before another of the group tried. The results were the same with the lady turning him down politely and his mates making a big thing of his return.

Finally the man Drackarn had assumed was the leader of the group rose to his feet unsteadily. He swayed over to the woman.

"Hey babe. Those two amateurs not enough for you? How about a real man!"

The woman looked at him and smiled.

"Sorry, as I told your friends, I'm waiting for my partner."

"Is he late? I'd never be late if I was banging a fine piece of ass like you!" he slurred.

The woman looked at him trying to hide the look of distaste.

"They'll be here, it might be best if you went back to your friends. I think you've had enough!" and turned back to her drink.

"Hey bitch! Don't you turn away from me when I'm talking to you. Do you know who I am?" he hissed.

The woman casually picked a up her drink and took a sip.

"No, I have no idea." she said sounding bored.

"I have 64bn ISK in my wallet and I have FOUR titans!" he shouted in her ear drunkenly.

The woman turned around, smiled and she slid off the barstool. As she did her skirt rode up ever so slightly and the drunken man stared opened mouthed at the glimpse of the black satin suspender belt.

"So you have four titans?" she purred seductively.

The man nodded with an idiotic smile on his face thinking he'd landed the jackpot. The woman's hand moved with lightening speed and grabbed him between the legs. He made a sound somewhere between a moan and a shriek as she twisted. His arms flailed at his sides, not daring to strike her or try to grasp her hands by in case he made it worse.

"You couldn't leave it alone could you, asshat!" she spat "Now I have to put you down in front of your friends just because your a drunken idiot!"

With that she twisted again and released, allowing the man to drop to his knees, sobbing and cradling his wedding tackle.

The woman picked up her bag, thanked the barman, left some credits on the bar and walked out.


The Punisher class frigate was on scan towards the Gallente medium complex. It had taken Javad a lot of trouble to find this capsuleer. First he had to question the barman to who that bitch was. At first he wouldn't tell him.

"Trust me man, you do not want to mess with her. Take this icepack for your junk and put it down to experience." the barman had said.

But there was no way Javad was going to do that. That bitch had humiliated him in front of his friends and he needed payback. Finally he'd got a name from the bartender along with a second warning not to pursue it. Next, Javad had approached a friendly mega-corp agent who would find capsuleers, for a price. He'd had to pay 100,000 ISK to get a locator run on the bitch. In a few minutes it would all be worth it. She was flying a Punisher class frigate, he was in a Cormorant Destroyer, she stood no chance. The plan was to capture her pod and kill her. Then he'd recover her corpse and send her a video of him defiling it. He chuckled at the thought. His destroyer dropped out of warp at the acceleration gate. The Navies of New Eden tended to build their outposts in deadspace pockets. Areas of space where naturally occurring subspace phenomena meant warp drives would not work. This required an acceleration gate to propel craft to the area which created a bottleneck for any enemy forces.

"OK guys, get ready to warp to me. Your job is to hold the gate and make sure no back up comes to help the bitch. Do not enter the 'plex, this bitch is all mine!"

With that Javad activated the acceleration gate. The gate took hold of his ship with powerful gravaton beams and aligned it towards the deadspace pocket. Immense forces propelled his ship along into warp speed without the use of warp drive. 

As the warp tunnel collapsed and he arrived at the site he saw the frigate 20km from him. He immediately engaged the sub-light engines and start to lock his intended victim.

"Boss. We've got a Thrasher class destroyer on scan towards you. We think it warped to the gate as you entered."

Javad laughed.

"No problem, we'll kill him too after I have..... oh fuck!"

Javad couldn't believe what he was seeing. 50km behind the frigate space itself shimmered. A Falcon class recon cruiser decloaked and started to burn towards him. In a panic he tried to select a planet to warp to but was too late, the Punisher frigate had locked him and had scrambled his warp engines. A couple of seconds later his targeting systems went offline, jammed by the Falcons powerful electronic counter measures.

"Its a trap! Ignore the Thrasher! Slide the gate and help me!"

There was nothing but radio silence.

"Report! Where the fuck are you guys?" Javad almost screamed in comms.

A few seconds later the comm system chirped.

"Sorry boss. We are both down. That Thrasher was sat stationary on the acceleration gate. He's insta-lock artillery, massive alpha. Took us both down before we could react. Suspect he's cockbag fit."

"You were in a Griffin!" Javad screamed referring to the Caldari ECM frigate, a distance relative of the Falcon class cruiser that was currently jamming all of his targeting systems.

"Sorry boss. I landed and he took me down before I could lock him. You did say fit for max jammer strength and no tank. Aide had a tank, he landed a few seconds after me and it took that Thrasher only two volleys. Either way, we are both down and podding back to base."

Javad started to panic. The Punisher was now doing serious damage to his shields. His warp drive and micro warp drive were both offline, his sensor systems were swamped from the Falcon's jamming and his ship was also affected by a stasis webifier. He couldn't warp out, he couldn't hardly move and he couldn't fight back. The low shield alarm echo'd in his ears as Punisher continued its assault. All he could do was sit there and take it.


The structural damage alarm sounded signifying the Cormorant was almost doomed. Javad screamed in frustration as his destroyer started to break apart. He was plotting his escape route as his capsule ejected from the wreckage. His plan to warp to planet 5 and then escape was suddenly ruined as the Punisher locked the capsule and scrambled its warp drive. Javad spat at his own stupidity. The Punisher had been set up with a huge scan-resolution, the same as his ship. He'd gone after the bitch with the same idea. With ECM for backup, there was no need for tank as the other ship wouldn't be able to fight back. The darkness of space was lit up as the Punisher fired its lasers into the defenceless capsule. As the capsule breeched Javad's consciousness was recorded and beamed back to his home station to be implanted into a new clone.

"S8, this is Drack. The acceleration gate is clear and as I'm only seeing the three of us in local, I assume its over?"

"Affirmative Drack. Thanks for the assist. We expected he might have back-up close."

"Roger that. Setting course back to Nisuwa. Give me a shout if he tries anything again."

A female laugh echo'd over the comms channel.

"Drack, this is Misty. Thanks for your offer but I doubt he's going to mess with us again. He's learnt his lesson."

Drackarn aligned his Thrasher class destroyer to the distant stargate, wondering if the rookie pilot truly understood yet that death was not an issue to the immortal capsuleers of New Eden. Surely she didn't think downing that asshat once and podding him would send a clear enough message. He decided not to say anything and engaged the warp drive.


Javad opened his eyes. As normal the bright light of the Clone Revival Bay stung his new eyes. He could make out three or four figures moving about the other side of the glass. His brand new eyes not focusing yet. He blinked a couple of times which improved the fresh clones vision. What was taking so long? Usually they had him out of the Clone Revival Unit by now and were testing his functions. He banged a fist on the glass. Finally there was a hiss and the door to the revival casket swung open.

"Well its about time! What the fuck are you clowns playing....." Javad stopped speaking. He should be looking at a couple of lab technicians and a doctor, but he was actually looking at four huge men. Matari, from the Brutor tribe. Javad suddenly realised he was naked and vulnerable.

"Who.... who are you?" he stammered.

"We're your welcoming committee. We are from the MGRL and are here to make sure your new body is in peak condition by giving it one of our special workouts."

Javad screamed as the hulking men started to strip off and advance towards him.

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